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56 lines
2.2 KiB
56 lines
2.2 KiB
5 years ago
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title = "Things I Learnt The Hard Way - Beware of Microaggressions"
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date = 2019-07-23
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[taxonomies]
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tags = ["en-au", "books", "things i learnt", "personal", "microaggressions"]
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Microaggressions are defined as "brief, everyday exchanges that send
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denigrating messages to certain individuals because of their group
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membership". The hardest part is that they don't sound aggressive.
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Although I'm not part of an oppressed group, I've been microattacked more than
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once, by the same person.
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At some point, he mentioned that one couldn't talk bad about someone "around
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some people". That "someone" was a politician that got arrested for,
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basically, stealing from the country to promote a certain other company. The
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way that person said it, thought, made it seem I felt it was wrong to arrest
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the politician.
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Another time, I was casually saying that I shouldn't have come to work on my
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motorbike, although three forecast apps said it wouldn't rain. His comment: "I
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just looked outside".
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It may seem innocuous reading those, but if you look closely, all he was
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trying to do was do let me down. Oh no, I'm part of a group that thinks
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politicians shouldn't be arrested! Oh no, I'm not smart enough to look
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outside, while he is![^1].
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And those are really hard to fight, 'cause we aren't prepared to "get" those
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as real attacks.
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On top of that, HR people are not really prepared to understand those (it will
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always fall into the "it was just a joke"[^2] excuse and you'll be the
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troublemaker[^3]).
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The worst part? While you don't fully get it as an attack, it will slowly pile
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up. At some point, you may even burst into attacking the person back, with all
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the concentrated attacks in a single moment. And them _you_ will be seen as
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aggressive, not them.
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Better just stay away and avoid contact if possible.
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[^1]: In the end, when I had to leave work to go back home, it wasn't raining.
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[^2]: ... which is the pure definition of "Schoddinger's Asshole": Someone
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that make a comment and, by the other people reaction, call it a joke as a
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"get out of jail" card.
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[^3]: And I do wish you have a HR department that understand microaggressions.
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{{ chapters(prev_chapter_link="/books/things-i-learnt/toxic-people", prev_chapter_title="Beware of Toxic People") }}
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