diff --git a/content/books/things-i-learnt/_index.md b/content/books/things-i-learnt/_index.md index 5692e36..6e9ca1c 100644 --- a/content/books/things-i-learnt/_index.md +++ b/content/books/things-i-learnt/_index.md @@ -81,3 +81,6 @@ template = "section-contentless.html" * [People Get Upset About Code And Architecture Quality 'Cause They Care](people-care) * [You'll Learn About Yourself The Hard Way](learn-about-yourself) * [Pay Attention On How People React To You](watch-reactions) + * [Beware of Toxic People](toxic-people) + * [Beware of Microaggressions](microaggressions) + * [Toxic/Aggressive People Are Not Fixable -- Unless It's You](fixable) diff --git a/content/books/things-i-learnt/fixable/index.md b/content/books/things-i-learnt/fixable/index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..32ab831 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/books/things-i-learnt/fixable/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,31 @@ ++++ +title = "Things I Learnt The Hard Way - Toxic/Aggressive People Are Not Fixable" +date = 2019-07-23 + +[taxonomies] +tags = ["en-au", "books", "things i learnt", "personal", "microaggressions", "toxic people"] ++++ + +You may think "But I could go to those people and say 'Why are you being +toxic?' or 'Why are you attacking me?' or even just tell them it's not nice to +say such things. It would help." + +I don't believe that's the case. + + + +In the case of toxic people, they just want to see the place burn so they can +be the hero that saves the day. Microaggressors just want to make your feel +down 'cause so they could feel superior to you. + +And I don't think they can be easily fixable. That's their modus operandi and +they will keep doing it so 'cause that's the only way they can see to +"improve" themselves -- even if there is no real improvement, they are just +letting everything down so they seem better than the others. + +On the other hand, if you keep [paying attention to the way people react to +you](/books/things-i-learnt/watch-reactions), you may notice that you may be +doing this to others. And now the ball is in your park: Do you want to be a +better person or not? + +{{ chapters(prev_chapter_link="/books/things-i-learnt/microaggressions", prev_chapter_title="Beware of Microaggressions") }} diff --git a/content/books/things-i-learnt/microaggressions/index.md b/content/books/things-i-learnt/microaggressions/index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..32b6cab --- /dev/null +++ b/content/books/things-i-learnt/microaggressions/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ ++++ +title = "Things I Learnt The Hard Way - Beware of Microaggressions" +date = 2019-07-23 + +[taxonomies] +tags = ["en-au", "books", "things i learnt", "personal", "microaggressions"] ++++ + +Microaggressions are defined as "brief, everyday exchanges that send +denigrating messages to certain individuals because of their group +membership". The hardest part is that they don't sound aggressive. + + + +Although I'm not part of an oppressed group, I've been microattacked more than +once, by the same person. + +At some point, he mentioned that one couldn't talk bad about someone "around +some people". That "someone" was a politician that got arrested for, +basically, stealing from the country to promote a certain other company. The +way that person said it, thought, made it seem I felt it was wrong to arrest +the politician. + +Another time, I was casually saying that I shouldn't have come to work on my +motorbike, although three forecast apps said it wouldn't rain. His comment: "I +just looked outside". + +It may seem innocuous reading those, but if you look closely, all he was +trying to do was do let me down. Oh no, I'm part of a group that thinks +politicians shouldn't be arrested! Oh no, I'm not smart enough to look +outside, while he is![^1]. + +And those are really hard to fight, 'cause we aren't prepared to "get" those +as real attacks. + +On top of that, HR people are not really prepared to understand those (it will +always fall into the "it was just a joke"[^2] excuse and you'll be the +troublemaker[^3]). + +The worst part? While you don't fully get it as an attack, it will slowly pile +up. At some point, you may even burst into attacking the person back, with all +the concentrated attacks in a single moment. And them _you_ will be seen as +aggressive, not them. + +Better just stay away and avoid contact if possible. + +[^1]: In the end, when I had to leave work to go back home, it wasn't raining. + +[^2]: ... which is the pure definition of "Schoddinger's Asshole": Someone + that make a comment and, by the other people reaction, call it a joke as a + "get out of jail" card. + +[^3]: And I do wish you have a HR department that understand microaggressions. + +{{ chapters(prev_chapter_link="/books/things-i-learnt/toxic-people", prev_chapter_title="Beware of Toxic People", next_chapter_link="/books/things-i-learnt/fixable", next_chapter_title="Toxic/Aggressive People Are Fixable") }} diff --git a/content/books/things-i-learnt/toxic-people/index.md b/content/books/things-i-learnt/toxic-people/index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..300acea --- /dev/null +++ b/content/books/things-i-learnt/toxic-people/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ ++++ +title = "Things I Learnt The Hard Way - Beware of Toxic People" +date = 2019-07-23 + +[taxonomies] +tags = ["en-au", "books", "things i learnt", "personal", "toxic people"] ++++ + +You'll find people that, even if they don't small talk you, they will bad +mouth everything else -- even some other people -- openly. + + + +Toxic people love drama. They love to put people down. They love to point +mistakes made by others -- but never by themselves. Some of them actually do +that to make themselves look better in the eyes of the upper management. + +Not totally toxic, but I did work with people who would never answer an email +unless the manager was in the discussion. Another person would always claims +his team did everything they could, even putting himself at the disposal of +the manager to solve any issues, and that the problem was not related to their +work -- which we proved three times it was. + +You need to stay away from those people. They will harm in ways you can figure +out immediately. Their attitude towards other (and maybe even yourself) will +drive you so down you'll waste more time wondering what you did wrong than +doing your job. + +One thing to take a lot of care: Even if it is not your intention, you may not +realize that you may be seen as toxic 'cause [you don't understand yourself +yet](/books/things-i-learnt/learn-about-yourself) and the way [people react to +you](/books/things-i-learnt/watch-reactions). + +{{ chapters(prev_chapter_link="/books/things-i-learnt/watch-reactions", prev_chapter_title="Pay Attention On How People React To You", next_chapter_link="/books/things-i-learnt/microaggressions", next_chapter_title="Beware of Microaggressions") }} diff --git a/content/books/things-i-learnt/watch-reactions/index.md b/content/books/things-i-learnt/watch-reactions/index.md index 575bfcc..7b890c1 100644 --- a/content/books/things-i-learnt/watch-reactions/index.md +++ b/content/books/things-i-learnt/watch-reactions/index.md @@ -28,4 +28,4 @@ they opening themselves to you or are they closing? [^1]: I have this "serious" problem that, depending on the word someone says, I recall some lyrics and suddenly start singing it. -{{ chapters(prev_chapter_link="/books/things-i-learnt/learn-about-yourself", prev_chapter_title="You'll Learn About Yourself The Hard Way") }} +{{ chapters(prev_chapter_link="/books/things-i-learnt/learn-about-yourself", prev_chapter_title="You'll Learn About Yourself The Hard Way", next_chapter_link="/books/things-i-learnt/toxic-people", next_chapter_title="Beware of Toxic People") }}